88 prewrite

you know how moods change, right? how yesterday i was relieved to be on day 87. and then this morning when my alarm rang, i turned it off, slept another hour and a half, and thought upon waking “don’t want to keep doing this writing thing.”

You see, my writing is in the morning. so it’s the reverse of early sober problems. In the evening i love the idea of writing this book. in the morning i think it’s a bad idea and don’t want to do it.

but here’s what just happened minutes ago. and this is a good reason for you to have a sober penpal, to document your story, knowing someone will read it and have insights (just like i’m writing this to you for the same reasons). what just happened is i re-read yesterday’s installment to get ready for today’s. and i thought (no kidding): “i want to keep reading, i wonder what happens to her?” like, in a third-person-kind-of-way.

me, the writer, thought about rayna, the character: “I hope i can keep reading this.”

so while i maybe never hope i get to keep WRITING it, i do want to READ it.

and while you might not love every moment of LIVING SOBER on this day, you will like REVIEWING that you’ve done it. we never regret not drinking. we never wake in the morning wishing we’d drank the night before.

same with writing. always glad i’ve done it.

and now, it seems, i’m engaged ‘as a reader’ in what happens to her. not sure how i get to be both people in this scenario (the writer, the reader). but maybe you’re the same. you want a cool life, and you’re the one writing your story of what happens today and THEN you get to live it and THEN you get to review how it’s going, wondering what happens next.

we are creating today. you and me both!