as i was writing out today’s tentative schedule while in bed last night (up at 6:15, write, run, emails, go to specialty food store to buy yeast and dried cranberries and smoked paprika and non-stick spray for baking pans…) i was trying to think of what i’d like for a treat today. i had flowers last week (as if that matters), i don’t need any kitchen tools (said no baker, ever), i’m too fat for clothes (!), and so on.
you know what this is like, right? i couldn’t find the RIGHT treat. then i remember that it’s not about the right one, it’s about the framing around it.
so i decided on socks. there’s a store near the food place. all of my socks have holes in them, which is fine, because nobody sees my socks. but still. i stopped buying clothes when i got married. 11 years. some strange twist of not wanting to spend the money on myself, or wondering how i can harp on him for being loose with his money, and so i’m ‘showing’ him something by example… when really, what i’m showing is poor self care and holey socks.
anyway. socks today. it has been decided. you? what’s your treat for doing the hard thing?
day 64 today…