as i was writing out today’s tentative schedule while in bed last night (up at 6:15, write, run, emails, go to specialty food store to buy yeast and dried cranberries and smoked paprika and non-stick spray for baking pans…) i was trying to think of what i’d like for a treat today. i had flowers last week (as if that matters), i don’t need any kitchen tools (said no baker, ever), i’m too fat for clothes (!), and so on.
you know what this is like, right? i couldn’t find the RIGHT treat. then i remember that it’s not about the right one, it’s about the framing around it.
so i decided on socks. there’s a store near the food place. all of my socks have holes in them, which is fine, because nobody sees my socks. but still. i stopped buying clothes when i got married. 11 years. some strange twist of not wanting to spend the money on myself, or wondering how i can harp on him for being loose with his money, and so i’m ‘showing’ him something by example… when really, what i’m showing is poor self care and holey socks.
anyway. socks today. it has been decided. you? what’s your treat for doing the hard thing?
day 64 today…
I’m still on day zero, I’m still reading this every day and other things and every time I think about treats I get stuck. I don’t buy clothes unless I have to, don’t like to do it, don’t feel flowers or socks are a treat as I can get them if I want. Missed seeing your flowers so I hope they were extra special. Enjoy your sock, couldn’t have holes socks as it reminds me of scrimped childhood. Xxx
ah yes, this is a common misunderstanding of what treats are. it’s not the treat that’s important. it’s what the treat represents. Our brain is wired to love gold stars, badges, achievements. and we forget to reward ourselves. it’s not that i can’t afford socks. it’s not that socks are special. is how i FRAME the socks.
There’s more about the idea of treats and how they help to rewire the brain, in the jumpstart lesson 4.
And in this blog post here > http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/2013/05/03/gold-stickers/
And ideas for good cheap treats are here > http://www.tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/2015/07/24/treat-erator/
and if we are penpals, this is something we’d talk about all the time when you email me daily ? or on our coaching calls.
le hugs from le me
I like the prewrite thing…have you been doing this the whole time and I’ve just missed it?
Treats are a hard one for me. I have to remind myself that they MUST BE one of my sober tools.
the prewrite thing is new. well, for this book it’s new. i used to do it all the time for the non-fiction book. this book, each day i know what i’m going to write and i get right to it. just the past few days, i’ve been poking around at other things first … Literally for the first 45 days or so, i wasn’t sleeping through the night because i was worried about how the writing would go the next day. now i seem to have come to a place where i know it’ll be fine. it might be hard, but it’ll be fine.
Treats are my favorite tool that I plan on doing the rest of my life. They have taught me to stop and love myself. Something I never did. Thanks Belle!
When you finish this book I think you deserve a complete new outfit!!
and tacos! i celebrated finishing the last book with a fancy taco dinner, something that is rare here in france, and i want to do it again when i finish this one.
I think this sober tool kit and treat thing is a bigger deal than I ever realized. When you’ve got significant days behind you,you seem to think you don’t have to do that anymore and it’s just not true. And also the remembering to frame it in a certain way instead of just indulging yourself ?
New socks feel completely different than old ones and they send that self care message up through our whole body from our toes. Love it.
Your prewrites are like blog entries–a look into what you’re thinking and feeling at that moment. I’m enjoying them, too. 😉