Today’s new OMM is one i’ve recorded in response to this email i got – and her request for an ass-kicking!
penpal Dusquene (day 123) sent me this: “I’m sober, but my emotions are all over the map. Really strong shit. Really strong. It’s been a bit hard to keep Wolfie at bay I will also confess that I’ve not been using my support tools. I told myself I’m too tired … So if you want to kick me in the ass — give me Toughlove — you can. I’m just being honest.
… My brain is taking off and won’t stop. I usually drank when this happened. Wolfie tells me that I can’t stand the feelings, that it will always be this way so why not open that bottle?!? Not doing it but damn this is hard…
I’m not gonna lie, I still have a fantasy sitting down in a nice restaurant or comfy space, and being able to totally enjoy one glass of something. Not going to work, but that still there. And I hate Wolfie for that thought. Hate him.
And then the thoughts about “what’s wrong with me”? Seriously. I’m supposed to embrace this choice positively, but I’m not there. All I see is deprivation … My rational mind can’t grasp this. It should be open and shut. Yet I still desire that liquid that is poison. For me.
Not drinking today. But I’m raw. Oooffff”
[and when you listen to the OMM, you’ll hear what i have to say!]
hugs, belle xo
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