Tired of Thinking About Drinking

Archive for the tag “100 days sober”

i should have kept going

[Now that I have finished writing the sober book and it has been sent to the printers … now i’m spending time looking over earlier journals about the writing process. i can see that it took a LOT longer than i thought it would to find out HOW to write, to find a pattern, a rhythm. I discovered that writing is like early sobriety: shit is hard, then it gets easier, then we don’t know what we’re doing, then we figure some things out, and then we make daily, small progress.

i’m going to post some of the writing that i did over the last year that ‘helped’ me figure out the sober writing thing. Because the parallels with sobriety are huge and many.]

July 8, 2015

tuesday. (5:15 am). meditation sucked, i opened my eyes and yawned part way through. i said to myself ‘i suck at this’ right as the guided meditation audio says to be patient and non-judgmental.

i have nothing to say. that first time, with the early morning writing last week, that was luck. It was a fluke I can’t repeat. I should have kept going. I thought I could dip back into it easily enough. Momentum. Would it have been easier to keep going?

once i get started then i can just keep going. even if it isn’t always a lot of fun, because it isn’t miserable. i’m not vomiting. i’m just angst-ing. and the angst-ing is what i’m trying to ignore. for the better good.extract from today’s writing:

I didn’t meet the textbook definition of an alcoholic, and believe me, I’d done the research. I’d read the sober memoirs, done a bit of looking around online, was confronted with all of the anecdotal evidence where people with real alcohol problems lost their jobs, their marriages, and their lives to addiction.

==

Update from April 28, 2016.

The phrase that I wrote above, on that crappy morning in July, that phrase eventually got written into the book like this:

Source: TOTAD: Take My-100 Day Sober Challenge, page 55, section 2: Permission to Quit.page-55

sober treats

treat-april27-16

Thanks to the Tiny Gift Button

Audio: Can I Drink Again Later?

I recorded an audio (episode #141) for my longer, weekly sober podcast series. You’re familiar with the one-minute audios. These are longer, meatier.

I get this email all the time: “After 100 days sober, do you think I could drink again?” I have one such message in my inbox right now. And so here’s my answer – in audio format. There’s something in this audio for you today, too.

The full audio for this episode is 20 minutes long. Here’s a 2-3 minute preview:

 

Download the full audio episode 141

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

 

no. none. note at all.

email from MsM (day 70):  “I’m 70 glorious days sober today, Belle! They certainly haven’t all been glorious but they have ALL been sober – and I’m soooooo grateful for every sober second…

What are your thoughts on two people in recovery dating? I’ve had extremely strict views about NOT dating another alcoholic who admits they have a problem … I’m worried if we marry and have kids my partner may start drinking again or my kids are doomed to be alcoholics themselves. But many guys I have dated have a problem with alcohol and won’t actually admit it. And I find it difficult not to drink when my partner is drinking and partying. So I’m wondering if dating someone who is in recovery might be a better idea. And I ask because yes, there might be someone I’d like to get to know better. And I certainly WONT jump into another relationship for a long time. But if I decide that I shouldn’t date someone in recovery then I will make sure not to develop any sort of relationship with him just to be sure and safe that the boundary isn’t crossed. And I think I’m overthinking again…”

me: no dating. none 🙂 none at all 🙂 none. no dating. none. with nobody. none.
no. no flirting. no going down any rabbit holes of “does he like me, will he like me, do I like him.”
no. none.
not now 🙂
no over thinking. no boys at all.
ha.

MsM: “Damn. Now, are you trying to say that I shouldn’t date? Your email wasn’t very clear … 😉 Fine. I will just die alone then. I just finished work now and it’s 21:16 on a Friday night. My 70th sober supposed-to-be-my-treat-night night. Oh well. Life happens. Will have to celebrate with my owl pants tomorrow. Jus me an my little ol owl pants, with the furry pets, and definitely NO boyfriend cheeky grin.”


pre-order the new BOOK

http://www.100daysoberchallenge.com

450-px---BOOK-COVER-129x198---april-16-16


three versions:
print, e-book & audio

i can’t start now because …

[Now that I have finished writing the sober book, and cover art is finished, I’ve talked with the UK printer about paper and cover stock  … now i’m spending time looking over earlier journals about the writing process. i can see that it took a LOT longer than i thought it would to find out HOW to write, to find a pattern, a rhythm. I discovered that writing is like early sobriety: shit is hard, then it gets easier, then we don’t know what we’re doing, then we figure some things out, and then we make daily, small progress.

i’m going to post some of the writing that i did over the last year that ‘helped’ me figure out the sober writing thing. Because the parallels with sobriety are huge and many.]

July 7, 2015

so i did a 5 a.m. writing event a week ago. it was very productive. solved the writing problem. created other problems.

got notes from editor on Tuesday, spoke with him Friday.

now it’s the next week.

so here’s the thinking. this will seem familiar: i can’t start now because…

i’ll be tired, i have to do catering, i should have the meals planned first, that last time it just sucked the life out of me, yes it worked but now i’m wondering if it’s worth it.

then i think, ok, just get on with it. do it tomorrow morning. set the alarm and get up.

and it’s scary.

scary to create the space to make the change.

scary to be alone with myself for 4 hrs.

scary to see what i will accomplish (or not).

scary to maybe discover that i won’t like writing the book, it won’t be worth it, it’ll be perceived only as brand-extension, it’ll be pretentious or surface-trite.

scary to be sober, to stop the numbing, to create the space to make the change, to see what i accomplish, to know that it’s worth it.

and everyone who’s written a book probably (surely) says it was worth it.

like everyone who’s longer-term sober says that being sober is worth it.

and here i stand on the side of the road. writing car is beside me. the keys are in the ignition. i know where i’m headed. and yet i’m not in the car.

[if you email me and say ‘just do it’ i’ll come after you. you don’t have to say anything :) just relate.]

i’ve been here before. i will be here again.

Audio: Longing …

I recorded an audio (episode #140) for my longer, weekly sober podcast series. You’re familiar with the one-minute audios. These are longer, meatier. This one is about longing for food, longing for crushes, longing to go home, and yearning for alcohol. I start by talking about a longing for a hot turkey sandwich and how that relates to being sober.

The full audio for this episode is 19 minutes long. Here’s a 2-minute preview that begins at about the 10:45 point in the audio:

 

Download the full audio episode 140

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

 

Audio: May the Fork Be With You (Resentment)


I recorded an audio (episode #138) this morning for my longer, weekly sober podcast series. You’re familiar with the one-minute audios. These are longer, meatier. There is sometimes crying involved. Today there is a bit of ranting about feeling resentment. How does this affect your sobriety? Turns out everything is like everything.

The full audio for this episode is 15-ish minutes long. Here’s a 2-minute preview:

 

Download the full audio episode 138

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

 

trying to do too much at once

[Now that I have finished writing the sober book, and cover art is finished, I’ve talked with the UK printer about paper and cover stock  … now i’m spending time looking over earlier journals about the writing process. i can see that it took a LOT longer than i thought it would to find out HOW to write, to find a pattern, a rhythm. I discovered that writing is like early sobriety: shit is hard, then it gets easier, then we don’t know what we’re doing, then we figure some things out, and then we make daily, small progress.

i’m going to post some of the writing that i did over the last year that ‘helped’ me figure out the sober writing thing. Because the parallels with sobriety are huge and many.]

July 5, 2015

what’s it like explaining the sober world to your book editor? turns out it’s harder than you might think. And how do you organize your proposed 150,000 word outline into a book that’s going to turn out to be 50,000 words long? Thankfully, you have an editor help to pare down the idea. to something manageable. duh, like sobriety. trying to do too much at once. no shit. that is my default setting.

so here’s a treat. here’s a 6 minute extract of my call with the editor. it’s a rare behind the scenes bit.

warning, and i’m sorry for this, but I do occasionally say “they” meaning my penpals. I don’t say “we” and i should have. I say “they are easily overwhelmed” instead of WE.

~

Update from March 15, 2016. It’s so weird to hear this again now 🙂 Final manuscript turned out to be 40,000 words. And in the end I hired 3 editors – this one from the UK, one to do copy editing, and the third to tell me that I was doing a good job (no kidding).

Audio: This is for Julie


I recorded an audio (episode #137) this morning for my longer, weekly sober podcast series. You’re familiar with the one-minute audios. These are longer, meatier. There is sometimes crying involved. Or the sound of ambulances.

The full audio for this episode is 19-ish minutes long. Here’s a 2-minute preview:

 

Download the full audio episode 137

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

 

Audio: Interview with Mrs. D


For my sober podcast series, I interviewed Mrs. D this week. You know who she is, right? the truly famous sober blogger?

We talk about how important sober support is. What helps, what doesn’t.

This episode #136 is going out to podcast subscribers tomorrow (Saturday). The full audio is 25 minutes long. Here’s a sneak peek extract (just over a minute):

 

 

Monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week)

 

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