married to the beer man

Email from Sunny: “I’d like to begin the 100 Day Challenge, but my situation is a bit odd. I’m wondering if you think it’s too much to overcome. My husband is fairly prominent in the beer world. Because of his line of work our lives are very focused on alcohol. It pays our bills, it’s […]

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all this performing for other people

dear me, all this performing for your husband, for other people, it has to stop. what’s clear is that as soon as the husband is away, you stop doing a bunch of things. when he’s here, you plan the meals (mostly) and usually try not to have fish two nights in a row, for example. […]

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what you see and what you get

in yesterday’s micro-email, i sent out a picture of a bracelet, with my arm attached, with a view from my balcony. source then i got this in my inbox: Maverick: “The view from your window in the bracelet picture looks like something from a movie.” me: 🙂 I wish the balcony picture had a good movie […]

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she probably doesn’t swear like you do

we carry around stories, versions of ourselves. we tell the stories so many times that the stories become ‘truths’. here’s one of mine. when i was 12, we moved to a fancier part of town. i entered a fancy school full of fancy adolescents. it was clear that i wasn’t ‘one of them’ in ways that […]

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if you take care of YOU, can it fix your marriage? (not literally, but still …)

since everything is like everything, i will tell a story about getting up early. wanted to get up early for weeks (years) because i like the calm and quiet, and i feel better about me when i do it. (wanted to be sober for years because i like the calm and quiet, and i feel […]

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it’s not all about me

it’s not all about me. before i make a list of all the ways he’s changed, i can make my own list. top five things i’ve stopped doing in the last 10 years. shaving my legs twice a week. getting my eyebrows done at the salon. making dinner 5 nights a week. packing his lunch. […]

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how tiring it must be to be married to us

what must it be like to be married to us, this unique combination of high functioning, high emotion, lots of noise in our heads. my husband, though he drank as much as I did, does not have a wolfie voice. he is not wound up by things. he doesn’t struggle with “can I, will I, […]

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