Thursday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Char S

Happy Day 50 to SDBKatz

Happy Day 50 to Take 2

Happy Day 50 to Kacey

Happy Day 50 to Kris

Happy Day 50 to 35&changing

Happy Day 100 to Sober Tea

Happy Day 100 to SoberinVA

Happy Day 100 to Jaylee

Happy Day 100 to Mrs Roberts

Happy Day 180 to Shannon A

Happy Day 180 to Sisty

Happy Day 180 to SohoCat

Happy Day 180 to Ashley

Happy Day 180 to Georgia Girl

Happy Day 180 to Grace514

Happy Day 180 to Soprano

Happy Day 180 to Indy

Happy Day 200 to Bunnie

Happy Day 200 to Liz

Happy Day 200 to Girl Named Sam

Happy Day 200 to Meadowmuffins

Happy Day 300 to Edi

Happy Day 300 to Leftcoastgirl

Happy Day 300 to Cindyb

Happy Day 400 to MessyJessy

Happy Day 500 to Phoenix

Happy Day 600 to Suzan

Happy Day 700 to CoffeeCupHead

Happy Day 700 to Kitkatpaddywack

Happy Day 900 to Elly

Happy Day 1000 to Paulita

Happy Day 1100 Janett

Happy Day 1200 to OneDayAtATime

Happy Day 1200 to KateF

Happy Day 1200 to Margy

i have a choice

With a brain that says “I’d like to be sober, I don’t want to give up alcohol, I’d like to be sober, I don’t want to change anything about my life to help make this happen, oh I should probably quit now, why is this so hard when I don’t really drink very much, perhaps because I have a high bottom I could squeeze in a few more years of drinking” … then perhaps the worst case scenario is that you don’t quit now. You keep going until you have really shitty low bottom, or until you’re physically dependent, or both. Then you find that it’s really really REALLY hard to quit. You go to rehab and AA and it’s still hard to quit. Your brain is NOT on your side, and it tells you any manner of things. You have to ask your sponsor if it’s OK to see your ex-husband (no) or if you should go on vacation (do they have meetings?). If booze is an elevator that only goes down, I have a choice.

Audio: Magic Potion (part 1)

This is Sober Podcast Episode #182 for my weekly sober podcast series.

There is no magic potion. you can spend $100 on vitamins if you like. You can read one book and then be disappointed that it doesn’t solve all of your problems.

To be sober, we need to apply an attitude of ‘layers of support’ … adding in things, to find the right combination that works. And to learn to resist the “this program solves all problems,” and to do more than one thing at a time, because perhaps it’s the overlapping combination of things that works.

This was recorded as a live broadcast, and so it was long enough to split into two parts and make two separate podcasts.

Below i’ve posted a short extract from Part 1 of this longer audio.

You can listen to this extract now 🙂 And leave a comment – what do you hear in this audio? Can you rephrase it in your own words? hugs from me


Download the audio podcast episode 182

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a copy of month #1 of my blog, read by me, for free (audio is 2.5 hrs long; value $39).

Thursday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Doodle!

Happy Day 50 to Hernoodlyness!

Happy Day 50 to Jacci2!

Happy Day 50 to Honeybadger!

Happy Day 50 to Martha C!

Happy Day 50 to SoberSparkles!

Happy Day 50 to MrsWooly!

Happy Day 100 to PeaceableJ!

Happy Day 100 to Mindful Monica!

Happy Day 180 to Rachele!

Happy Day 180 to Pwhims!

Happy Day 180 to RoseStar!

Happy Day 180 to FlightPlan!

Happy Day 180 to Inspired!

Happy Day 200 to Jeans!

Happy Day 200 to Carly!

Happy Day 200 to AmandaJ!

Happy Day 200 to Jjm14!

Happy Day 300 to CindiB!

Happy Day 365 to Patten!

Happy Day 365 to KT Web!

Happy Day 400 to CaseyM!

Happy Day 400 to Surfrider11!

Happy Day 400 to Runnergirl!

Happy Day 600 to NicholasCharles!

Happy Day 600 to Linley!

Happy Day 700 to Graceful!

Happy Day 800 to 1035!

Happy Day 800 to Jayda!

Happy Day 800 to Frankie!

Happy Day 900 to Rexytime!

Happy Day 900 to Cocomac!

Happy Day 900 to NewChris!

Happy Day 900 to Jas!

Happy Day 1000 to Ish!

Happy Day 1000 to Bekki!

Happy Day 1100 to tlecompte!

Happy Day 1100 to hcasstevens!

Happy Day 1200 to Wanting to be a Sober Mom!

Happy Day 1200 to Tammi!

Happy Day 1200 to Shell Bell!

Happy Day 1200 to Tuomas!

Happy Day 1300 to DianeLouise!

Happy Day 1400 to KristinRecovering! 

are you following me on Medium? new One Minute Message transcript posted this morning . not drinking today . the booze elevator . only goes down . and then there’s resentment


Audio: Irritation

Sometime in the next 24 hours you’re going to feel frustrated or irritated. It’s right then that i want you to come and listen to this message. This is an emergency audio to help when when you’re irritated or annoyed.

It’s a 2-minute timeout, to help you refocus, to remind you that wolfie is an anus.

So here’s the homework: sometime in the next 24 hrs, you experience irritation or frustration with someone or something (construction noise, windshield wipers that don’t work, a zipper that separates, an egg that isn’t fully cooked). and right at that second, i want you to listen to this audio. Right when you’re agitated. In fact, you can go around all day WAITING to be frustrated or irritated, just so you can come and listen to this audio.

Then you listen.

Then you post a comment below.

And then i pick one comment and that person will receive a brass Stay Here bracelet (value $33, donated thanks to the Sober Good Works fund).


(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a brass Stay Here bracelet for free (value $33).

Tuesday Celebration Roundup

Happy Day 50 to Captain E!

Happy Day 50 to Donohuli!

Happy Day 50 to Nickie!

Happy Day 50 to Turtle!

Happy Day 50 to Nature Nancy!

Happy Day 50 to RedRedWine!

Happy Day 50 to Ninabear!

Happy Day 50 to Aimee!

Happy Day 50 to Kaycee!

Happy Day 50 to macbender1!

Happy Day 50 to Lotus Lady!

Happy Day 50 to SandraS!

Happy Day 50 to La Sobria!

Happy Day 50 to RunLily!

Happy Day 50 to Manaste25!

Happy Day 50 to Bridget!

Happy Day 50 to Blou!

Happy Day 100 to SarahJune31!

Happy Day 100 to Erinie!

Happy Day 100 to LimeTree!

Happy Day 100 to MelMel!

Happy Day 100 to Wynn!

Happy Day 100 to Sophiestar!

Happy Day 100 to Mamahope!

Happy Day 100 to Dusty!

Happy Day 100 to Chalee!

Happy Day 100 to Jazzie!

Happy Day 180 to Tweet!

Happy Day 180 to Calypso!

Happy Day 180 to Bunnie!

Happy Day 180 to Liz!

Happy Day 180 to Girl Named Sam!

Happy Day 180 to Meadowmuffins!

Happy Day 180 to Jeans!

Happy Day 180 to Carly!

Happy Day 200 to 2BLimber!

Happy Day 200 to Gene!

Happy Day 200 to Lola4126!

Happy Day 200 to TJS!

Happy Day 200 to RubyHarper!

Happy Day 200 to Poppy!

Happy Day 300 to Cindyb!

Happy Day 365 to waggintail!

Happy Day 400 to Auds!

Happy Day 400 to KaffyB!!

Happy Day 400 to Debbie!

Happy Day 500 to ChellyBelly!

Happy Day 500 to KAB!

Happy Day 500 to StonewallPDS!

Happy Day 500 to Hughie!

Happy Day 700 to Grateful Girl!

Happy Day 700 to Jenuhful!

Happy Day 800 to LJ63!

Happy Day 800 to Sean!

Happy Day 800 to Funcar13!

Happy Day 800 to Indian Lake!

Happy Day 800 to Mahatma jojo!

Happy Day 800 to MelP!

Happy Day 900 to Canadian Girl!

Happy Day 900 to Cxx!

Happy Day 900 to GG!

Happy Day 900 to Festie!

Happy Day 900 to Graceb!

Happy Day 1000 to Megan!

Happy Day 1000 to Haggismcbaggis!

Happy Day 1000 to Sharlotte!

Happy Day 1000 to Mizgabz!

Happy Day 1000 to Sanfransober!

Happy Day 1100 to Otherjosh!

Happy Day 1100 to RunnerMom!

Happy Day 1100 to Jlynn!

Happy Day 1100 to Fernie Sobertina!

Happy Day 1100 to Julie-Joy’s Dad!

Happy Day 1200 to Nuchter Maya!

Happy Day 1200 to Janet!

Happy Day 1200 to Beach_Girl!

Happy Day 1200 to Terry!

Happy Day 1200 to Denise!

Happy Day 1300 to Jenisthesoberist!

Happy Day 1400 to Original Beth!

Happy Day 1400 to Leah!

Happy Day 1500 to Erika!

Happy Day 1500 to Debra!


married to the beer man

Email from Sunny:

“I’d like to begin the 100 Day Challenge, but my situation is a bit odd. I’m wondering if you think it’s too much to overcome.

My husband is fairly prominent in the beer world. Because of his line of work our lives are very focused on alcohol. It pays our bills, it’s how we socialize with friends and family …. My husband says if I want to quit drinking that’s fine, but he will not change how he lives his life. He will continue to drink at home. I will have to attend beer related events with him

Is this an impossible situation? I need to quit drinking, but I’m worried that in my current situation its not possible. Any info or thoughts are welcome. Maybe you know someone in a similar situation? I hope I’m not the only one!”

me: it is possible. I am a caterer and often host large events where I buy, pour, and serve alcohol to my guests and I make homemade cocktails. I just don’t drink any myself. Booze is not good for me. It doesn’t improve my life. But I know that my clients like it and my job is to be of service, and to take their money 🙂

So if you approach alcohol as a tool that helps you earn income, that’s completely different from needing to drink it yourself.

Imagine you’re a vegetarian who’s a chef. You cook meat for the President because that’s what he’s paying you to do. Then you go home and eat lentils and chick peas and couscous and homemade lemonade with tonic and rosemary…

how’s that? hugs belle xo


And hooray! Sunny is on day 4 today 🙂

You may not agree with my advice. You may think her husband should quit his job, or that she should leave him (!) (she has young kids). Or you might think she can’t get sober without her husband’s support.

But really, the only person we’re in charge of is ourselves (well, and the babies we have around us). Sunny can do what’s best for her. I know that lots of people cannot have any alcohol in the house at all. And I respect that 100%. For others (or at least for me), I seem to be able to shelve booze in my mind as “not for me.”

What would you tell Sunny? Is it too much to overcome? Me, I don’t think so… You?

love, me


some of the comments received:

freedom (day 153): “I’d tell Sunny it is possible to do it with alcohol in the house and a husband who still drinks. I have both and I’m on day 153 today. It might be sensible to stay away from the boozy events in the early days..I couldn’t have managed them at that point. And I’ve found going to bed early with a good book can help on the days when I struggle with him drinking. Those are usually days when I’m tired, stressed or struggling with overwhelm and it’s been a real learning curve for me to start to recognise when I’m feeling like that and take steps to look after/protect myself from Wolfie. And remember you’re not alone! Belle is always on the end of an email and has been an incredible support, especially in the tough times…and I have to remember to reach out before Wolfie gets too loud. It gets easier the longer you do it. Keep the faith :)”

Rambling Rose (day 76):
“I think it is up to Sunny as to whether or not she can stay on the sober path and still attend these events/have booze in the home. My roommate has a liquor cabinet full of alcohol, and it doesn’t bother me because I never touched his booze anyway. So it’s not so unusual to stay sober while loved ones have the occasional drink. However, what does bug me a bit is her husband’s attitude (must go to these events? I’m going to drink anyway…). I sense some general resentment between the two of them… and that may make it harder (not impossible) to reconcile while focusing on recovery … I sure as hell would resent being told I have to attend alcohol related events, even if my livelihood was connected to it, because health is more important than people pleasing. Just depends on the person – and the situation. Belle, I think your feedback is good. It’s up to Sunny to decide on her own boundaries.”

Wanda T (day 76): “I am a vegetarian and I know you use this analogy sometimes but it’s not a good analogy because it’s not a valid comparison. Vegetarianism is usually an ethical commitment. So chefs who are vegetarians don’t cook meat. I bake & cook – I wouldn’t even know how to cook meat. I don’t know how the President got worked into the analogy. Sunny is in a very tough spot. If it’s possible for her to go to an in-patient rehab to get the booze out of her system, that would help her I think. She would at least have a running start. Her husband sounds beyond selfish. Going to work-related events where there is alcohol is not the same thing as him drinking at home. There is more going on in this relationship than her husband simply having a social & professional commitment to the Beer Industry. There is also an extreme power imbalance in the relationship if he’s demanding that she attend drinking events while she’s trying to get sober. Sunny could announce at a drinking event that she’s an alcoholic who is trying to quit drinking ….maybe some people there would support her and she’d find out she really & truly is not alone. Good luck Sunny!”

Elyn Jones (Day 143):
“Belle, I think your advice was spot on. We rarely get the ideal environment, so we have to adjust. I’ll bet that most of start out in a less than ideal environment cuz we created it with booze at the center. Doesn’t mean things can’t shift. They can, and thankfully, they do.”

D (not yet a penpal): “Let’s assume for the moment that her husband is not a complete asshole. That may be a stretch, but let’s give the benefit of the doubt. I agree with your statement that the only thing we are in charge of is ourselves … You’re advice was good: put alcohol in the context of a produce / service that provides a livelihood. Separate it from her life. Livelihood on one land, life on the other.”

Audio: Fake Cocaine

This is Sober Podcast Episode #181 for my weekly sober podcast series.

My husband asks, why does NA beer exist? So that they can still sell you something? As we discussed it further, he asked about the existence of fake cocaine (like, does it exist). And do we really drink to ‘fit in’, as if drinking is some big popularity contest in junior high school. “You can’t need to fit in – so much – that you give up what’s best for you.” If you are not long-term sober, and you’re drinking fake beer, this might be a good audio to listen to more than once.

Below i’ve posted a short extract from this longer audio (the complete podcast is 25 minutes long).

You can listen to this extract now 🙂 And leave a comment – what do you hear in this audio? Can you rephrase it in your own words? hugs from me


Download the audio podcast episode 181

Sign up for the monthly podcast subscription
(1-2 new audios per week, you can cancel whenever you like … but you won’t. more sober tools = good)

(ps, my blog allows for anonymous comments – so you don’t have to fill in a name or an email address to post your comment below).

Over the next 24 hrs, I’ll select a blog comment and that person will receive a copy of month #1 of my blog, read by me, for free (audio is 2.5 hrs long; value $39).

anonymous confession booth: sex

step right up. for one day only, i’m creating an anonymous sober confession booth about SEX. Yes, i’ve got something running through my head and i thought, OK, let’s blog about it. and really, it’s amazingly hard to talk about sex even when we’re quasi-anonymous online. And so then i thought, OK, let’s make it 100% anonymous, me included.

So here’s the deal.

  1. Post a comment below.
  2. For this to work you MUST leave your name and your email and your website address BLANK in the comments form (if you forget, i’ll go in and delete that info manually). all comments are to be anonymous. one of the comments will be from me, you just won’t know which one.
  3. I have no way of personally knowing who posts what.
  4. In your comment, write two or three sentences (max.) about something about sex that you think is ONLY your problem and that probably no one else has the same problem as you do. For example, i’ll make one up: “I can’t initiate sex when sober but i used to be able to when drinking” … OR … “i worry that i’m the only person who has x problem now that i’m sober.”
  5. Then take a second and post ONE anonymous ‘reply’ to one of the other comments already posted, and say something comforting, consoling, forgiving, kind. In fact, it would simply help if you said “i have this problem, too.”

i have a feeling that this will unfold in a lovely way. because you’re all lovely people. and we all have sex shit that we can’t talk about.

PS. if your name/email automatically shows up when you start to enter a comment, you can manually delete them OR you can ‘log out’ of your blogging profile.